Getting By
by TowMondler
Summary: What happens when you go back to the place that caused you so much pain? What happens when you go back and face the very things that made you run away? Terrible summary, please just try it out.
1. An old photograph of you and I

I couldn't decide whether or not to do an epilogue for "It's About You" and I still don't know. So I should be studying for finals, and writing a paper that is due Monday, but I choose to be a slacker instead, and you all get to reap the benefits from that. It's based on the song by the band Weekend Excursion. Such a good song. Please review and tell me what you think of it so far. 

Disclaimer: Not mine. 

"Can you give Gracie a kiss for me?" Chandler's voice floated across the ocean to his ex- wife and daughter. 

"Sure," Monica replied. She sat in her London townhouse about as far as one could get from their former New York home. "Would you like to talk to her?"

"She's not in bed?" He asked surprised. Usually Monica was a stickler on rules. Gracie's bedtime was at 9, and there were very little exceptions to this rule.

"No, we just got back from the theater. We took her to see _The Nutcracker_," Monica reminded him. She also reminded him that she was in a we. We. As in her and James. James Kent. He just sounded pompously British. It was another reason that Chandler hated him. Of course the fact that he was engaged to the love of Chandler's life and got to be with his daughter every day when he himself only got to see his five-year-old four times a year also added to him hating James. James Kent. God, he hated that name. 

"Oh, okay, then great, yeah, I'd love to talk to her." There was some shuffling and a minute later he heard a sleepy,

"Hi Daddy." 

"Hi sweetheart. How was the ballet?" 

"It was great," Gracie seemed to perk up a bit when he asked this. "James got me a Nutcracker....what was it called again Mommy?" He heard Monica's laughter in the background and it just made his heart ache again.

"A Marionette darling," she reminded Grace. 

"What she said," Grace told her father. "And it's wooden and when you pull on the strings it moves and dances. It's so cool, Daddy." 

Chandler had to force out a, "That's wonderful sweetheart." It hurt so badly to have her so far away. Her and her mother both. What had gone wrong between them? He couldn't even remember. He remembered working late nights, he remembered her being so flustered with the baby, but after that, it was a mystery. Sitting on the couch in their old apartment, he picked up the photograph that was sitting on the side table. He ran his finger over Gracie's face as he spoke to her. God did he miss her.

"Mommy says that I have to go to bed now," Gracie said. "When do I get to see you Daddy?"

"Soon honey, remember? You and Mommy are flying back to New York in a month?" 

"How many days is that?" Grace whined. "That's too long." Oh how he agreed. It was way too long. And the best part of their visit was that James was not coming. Grace would stay with him and Monica was going to stay with Rachel. 

"I know, sweetheart, but I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight Daddy." 

"Goodnight angel." He heard another bit of shuffling and Monica's voice again.

"Goodnight Chandler," she said. 

"Goodnight Mon."

"We'll see you in three weeks," she reminded him. He didn't need to be reminded. He had a countdown on his calendar. It would be almost four months since he had seen Grace. That was far too long. She was only five. He was missing the most important things in her life. He hung up the phone and sat in his house alone clutching the picture frame in his hand. He, Grace, and Monica sat grinning into the camera at a picnic in the park. Rachel had taken the picture. Why hadn't he tried harder to keep the two of them? Why had he let them go without a real argument? Suddenly he felt hot tears start to roll down his cheeks. He sat and remembered that day, in the park. Which now, looking back on it, was the beginning of the end. 

_3 years earlier: _

"Chandler! Can you grab Grace's jacket for me?" Monica called from the upstairs of their house. Chandler, who was standing by the front door, his arms laden with picnic items, reached into the hall closet and pulled out Grace's jacket. Briefly looking outside the window, he noted that it was gorgeous out and sunny. There was no way that Grace would need the jacket, but he had been married to Monica long enough to know that it didn't matter. She would want to be prepared. And that was what, in her mind, she was doing. Being prepared for any disaster that should possibly arise. Chandler would have bet good money that if the apocalypse was happening, Monica would have taken some preventive measure to make sure that her and her family were safe. This had only gotten worse when she became a mother. He would also put good money on the fact that Grace was the single most adored child in the universe. By both her parents and her aunts and uncles. 

"Are you ready?" Chandler asked as Monica came down holding Gracie in her arms. 

"We're ready, aren't we Gracie?" Gracie nodded and Monica slipped on a pair of sunglasses and handed Gracie a little pink pair that matched her outfit perfectly. The result of having a very fashion conscious mother and aunt. They made their way out to the car and piled the basket, blanket, and various other must haves in the trunk before climbing into the car and heading towards the city. They were supposed to meet Rachel, Ross, and Emma outside their apartment building and the six would go from there. 

Pulling up to the curb, Chandler saw his brother-in-law and three-year-old niece standing with their arms full of stuff as Rachel stood nearby talking on the phone and making huge, sweeping gestures with her hands. Monica jumped out of the car and Rachel quickly hung up and threw her arms around her best friend. 

"It's such a gorgeous day," Ross commented to Chandler as Chandler unloaded the car. 

"That it is," Chandler grinned at him. "The perfect day for a picnic. Great idea Rach." She beamed.

"Thanks," she shrugged. "I just wanted to get outside after being cooped up all winter."

"I agree," Monica said as she went and unbuckled Gracie from her car seat. "Gracie's been getting a little restless inside." They stood and continued to make small talk as Chandler went to find a parking garage to leave the car for the day. When he came back, he picked up some of the stuff, while Monica placed Gracie in her stroller, and they made their way to the park. He kept his hand on the small of her back as they crossed the street, something that he had always done, and when they got there, they searched and found the perfect spot and unfolded the blanket and laid out the fantastic lunch that Monica had prepared. 

It was a great day, Chandler decided as Rachel and Monica cleaned up and he and Ross finished their Frisbee game. 

"Hey, you three, get together," Rachel said as she picked up her camera. Chandler pulled his wife close to him, and she sat Grace on her lap and the three grinned up at Rachel. 

It was, as Chandler reflected, the last time that they had really laughed together. It was the last time that they had really been happy. Truly, truly happy. 

  


_Caught in a vein_

_Headed for the heart of pain_

_Memories and tears remain_

_And an old photograph of you and I_

_I know it's not much but it gets me by _

  


_Present:_

Monica held Gracie's hand tightly as they stepped into the crowded baggage claim and searched for Ross and Rachel who were supposed to pick them up. 

"Monica! Gracie!" Monica spun around and a second later was caught up in a giant hug by her big brother. Rachel had grabbed Grace and was hugging her tightly. They then switched off. Rachel wrapped her arms around her best friend and hugged her fiercely. 

"God, Mon, I've missed you so much," Rachel breathed. 

"I know, me too," she replied. Ross held Gracie as he smiled at the two women. 

"Are you two going to stand there all night and weep, or can we go home?" He asked. 

"Let's go see Daddy!" Gracie clapped her hands together and the adults laughed.

"I guess that's our answer," Rachel said as her and Monica reluctantly parted. They gathered their luggage and headed towards the cab that Ross had waiting. The stopped first at the apartment to drop off Monica's things, and then headed out to the suburbs to Chandler's house. 

Seeing the house again sent a flood of emotions through Monica. She missed it. And at the same time, it made her unbelievably sad to be there again. They pulled up outside of the house and the front door flew open and Chandler opened his arms and Gracie went flying into them.

"Daddy!" She squealed as he spun her around. 

"I've missed you," he murmured into her hair. "God, I've missed you. Look how big you are!" She grinned as he set her down and took her hand. 

"Hi Chandler," Monica said quietly as she approached him. He let go of Grace's hand briefly to wrap his arms around Monica. She looked good. She smelled good. She felt good. 

"Hi Mon, how was the flight?" She slid the sunglasses she was wearing to the top of her head and nodded.

"It was good," she replied nodding. "Long, but good." He nodded and then turned and scooped up Gracie again. 

"Come on in," he said leading the way into the house. Monica took a deep breath and then turned and followed. She blinked a few times when they stepped inside, allowing her eyes to adjust to the darker light. She felt a hand slip around her waist. 

"You okay?" Rachel asked. Monica turned and gave her a small smile and nodded.

"I'm fine," she replied biting her lip. Rachel knew that she was lying. She considered it her job as Monica's best friend to know when she was lying, but she didn't say a word. She stood studying her friend's face to judge on how not fine she was, and then decided that they would talk about when they were out of the house. That house that held so much pain and so many memories. 

  
  


_Life turns another page_

_But I don't feel older because I'm numb from pain_

_Your voice on the phone don't sound the same_

_I try to sleep late just to pass the day_

  


~Okay, kids. I promise I will explain everything in the next chapter. Why they divorced, why Monica and Grace are in London, everything. I pinky swear. Okay, please review!~ 

  
  



	2. Memories and tears remain

~Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm in the middle of packing up everything to go home for the summer, and I needed a little breather. So here's chapter du, please review (haha, that rhymed.) 

Disclaimer: Again, not so much mine. 

"Okay, we better go," Ross announced. They had been sitting around the living room talking and reminiscing. Chandler had, of course, noticed that Monica sat as far away from him as possible. She was on the far end of the couch with Gracie's head in her lap. Grace was fast asleep, as she had been for the past hour. Monica was absentmindedly stroking her hair as they all talked quietly. "We still have to pick up Emma from my parents'. They can't wait to see you guys Mon." 

"Are you going to see them?" Chandler asked slightly surprised. Unless things had changed, he couldn't see Monica willingly go to see her parents. 

"Lunch tomorrow. They said that they're dying to see Gracie. I talk to them at least twice a week Chandler," she said softly. Then he remembered. He remembered how Monica had gone running back to her mother, and how her mother, for the first time, had been there completely for her daughter. 

"Oh."

"Would you like to come?" She asked knowing that he wanted to spend as much time with Gracie as he could.

"No that's okay." He knew that the Geller's didn't blame him for the collapse of the marriage, he knew that there was no one to blame for the collapse of their marriage, but all the same, he'd rather not sit through a lunch with his ex-in-laws. Perhaps because that was what they were. Ex. And he didn't want to think about that. 

"Okay. Well, then I'll be by around eleven thirty to pick her up, okay? And then I'll drop her right back off again when we're done."

"Okay," Chandler nodded watching as she shifted slightly and slipped from under Grace without waking her up. She was a natural at the mothering thing. Always had been. "I got her." He stood up and picked Gracie up. 

"Can I...um...can I come upstairs and tuck her in?" Monica asked. Chandler was surprised slightly. Grace was still her daughter, and technically, this was still her house. Her name was still on the deed. 

"Of course you can," he said. 

"I'll be right back," she said to Ross and Rachel who had been unusually quiet during this whole exchange. Monica followed Chandler through the dark house and choked back a sob. Closing her eyes, she reminded herself that she was okay. She was okay. They made it to Grace's room, which Monica noted had not changed a bit. Was the other room unchanged? If she walked in would she find it just the way they had left it? Did Chandler ever go in there? Or was the door shut tightly? Was it filled with dust and pain, when it should have been filled with life and happiness? 

"Mommy?" Grace woke up slightly and Monica leaned over and smiled at her. 

"Goodnight baby," she said giving her a kiss and tucking her in.

"Goodnight honey," Chandler said also leaning over to give Gracie a kiss. Chandler walked out first, and Monica followed, gently closing the door behind her. When she turned around she found herself inches away from Chandler.

"Sorry," he said stepping out of the way. 

"It's okay. I should go. Rachel and Ross are waiting."

"Right."

"So I'll see you tomorrow?" She asked as they began to make their way down the stairs. Ross and Rachel met them in the front hallway and the three left Chandler standing alone in the hallway. He went back upstairs and first checked on Gracie, and then found himself in front of a closed door. A door that he had never thought he would be in front of again. He turned the doorknob just slightly and it gave a loud creak in protest having been closed for so long. He didn't turn on the lights, but walked over to the center and ran his hand over the top of the crib, and then, like always, fell to his knees and cried. 

  
  


_It's a waste of time so I find a way to_

_Hold you in my dreams_

_Sometimes, it's all I need_

_Someday you won't be so far from me_

_Until that day_

_You'll be the girl of my dreams_

  
  


_Three years before:_

The picnic had been a success and Monica and Chandler tiredly made their way home. 

"God, I'm so exhausted," Monica said yawning as they made their way into the house. Chandler had Gracie in his arms, fast asleep. "It was a wonderful day." He smiled, and leaned in and kissed her. 

"That it was." He carried Grace up to her bedroom and laid her down gently removing her shoes. Monica came in and finished getting Grace in her pajamas, and tucked in, and they retreated back down to the living room. 

"Chandler? Can I tell you something? I've been waiting for the perfect time, but...I just can't keep it to myself anymore," she was suddenly wide awake. 

"What's that honey?"

"I'm pregnant again," she said grinning widely. 

"What? Oh my God! Monica! That's incredible!" He swept her into his arms and gave her a deep kiss. "How far along?"

"Seven weeks," she said not being able to stop her grin. 

"Oh God, Mon. That's amazing." He placed a hand on her stomach and then kissed her again. It was amazing. It seemed that nothing could go wrong with their lives. Their lives were perfect. 

And their lives just kept getting more perfect. Monica couldn't wait to start decorating, and after her the start of her third month, the two of them went shopping and bought a crib and other various decorations. Chandler spent the months scouring for a double crib. Towards the end of her third month, he finally found one while shopping with Joey and Ross.

"Look!" He pointed to where there was a display of strollers. "I've been looking all over for one. Monica's going to be so happy." 

"What's that for?" Joey asked.

"A double stroller, for Gracie and the new baby."

"Why can't you just have one stroller, and they can take turns? " Joey asked. Chandler rolled his eyes and chose to ignore him. 

"There's only one left," Ross pointed out. "Better get it." Chandler grabbed the last one and then hurried to the checkout. He said goodbye to the guys and headed back to his car. He drove back out of the city and excitedly unloaded the car and rushed into the house.

"Mon! I looked everywhere, but I finally found one. A double stroller, I swear, the last one in the city." He heard nothing but silence. Her car was there, wasn't it? He looked back out the window and sure enough, there her car was.

"Monica? Gracie?" He yelled. He heard a soft sobbing from somewhere in the house, and he followed the sound. Walking down the hall, he glanced in and saw Gracie fast asleep taking a nap. Then he walked into the new nursery and he saw a sight that every time he closed his eyes he would see. 

Monica sitting on the ground clutching her stomach and sobbing, a pool of blood forming below her. 

"Monica! Oh God, Monica, we have to get you to the hospital," he said dropping to the ground. 

"It's too late," she said sobbing. Not knowing what to do, he pulled her close to him and kissed her wet cheeks.

"We still have to take you to the hospital," he said softly as she cried into his shoulders. "I'll call Ross to watch Grace." Shaking, he stood to his feet and dialed Ross and Rachel's number. He gently explained the situation and then gathered Monica into his arms and carried her down to t he car, and then came back up and gently lifted Gracie and placed her, still sleeping, into her car seat. 

The ride was silent, with the exception of Monica's soft weeping, and he was surprised to find out, his own silent cries. 

When they returned home from the hospital that day, Chandler led Monica up to their bedroom and tucked her in. He kissed her forehead and whispered that everything was going to be okay, of course, he didn't know that everything was going to be okay, in fact if he was to hazard a guess he would say that nothing would be okay, and he would be right, but to her, to her he promised that thing would be okay. After she was asleep, thanks to the sleeping pills given to her by the doctor, Chandler walked across the hall and into the nursery that just been filled with all their purchases. He walked over to the crib and ran his hand over it and fell to the floor, his hand over her blood stain and cried his heart out. 

  
  


_Here's to the nights I thought I'd never miss_

_Smiles taken for granted _

_And the taste of your last kiss_

_The gleam in your eyes_

_as we tried to hold back our goodbyes_

  
  


_Present: _

"Good morning Mommy!" Gracie said when Monica came to pick her up the next day. 

"Hi Gracie, you ready to go to lunch with Nana and Poppy?" Gracie nodded and ran up the stairs to grab her jacket. Chandler was standing in the hallway, his hands in his pockets. "You sure you don't want to come?" She asked.

"No. Thanks though."

"Okay, well, then I'll have her back in about two hours or so," she said as Gracie came bounding back down the stairs.

"Come with us Daddy," Gracie begged. "Please. Don't you like Nana and Poppy?" Monica had to stifle a laugh, and Chandler's heart lunged. He loved her laugh. He loved that look on her face when she was trying not to laugh. Usually it was at Joey, but Gracie always had that impact on her too. 

"No, sweetheart, it's okay. I'll just stay here." Grace turned to her mother with a pouting expression.

"Come on honey," Monica said reaching out her hand. Gracie took it and they left the house and climbed into the rent-a-car that she had gotten figuring she would have to drive in and out of the city a lot on while on their trip there. The drive to her parent's was fairly short and her mother came running out to see Grace. 

"Gracie!" She scooped her up in her arms and hugged her tightly. "Oh! You've gotten so big!" Monica laughed at her father came out and first hugged her and then hugged Grace when Judy was done.

"You guys ready to go?" He asked.

"Yep," Gracie replied. 

"Chandler didn't want to come?" Judy asked Monica as they walked towards the car. Monica shook her head. "That's a shame. I would have liked to have seen him." Monica was once again reminded, as she was every time she came home, and New York was and always would be home to her, no matter what James said about London, that she wasn't quite sure anymore why she had left. She remembered withdrawing from everyone, including Chandler, but she couldn't remember what the last straw was. What had made her pack up everything and move her and Grace to London? There had been the job offer, but it had been more than that. 

"Come on Mommy, you're being a slowpoke." Monica shook her head clear of those thoughts and followed Gracie to the car. 

_Feels like I'm raining inside_

_But you're my blue skies_

_my perfect little lullabies_

_And when times get rough_

_all I have to do is try_

_Hold you in my dreams_

~Okay, next chapter will further explain what had went on, that was just a teaser sort of...okay, please review and tell me what you thought! Thanks!~__


	3. I'm numb from pain

~I'm done with school for the year! Go me! Anyway, here's the next chapter. Please, please, review and tell me what you think. Thanks a million and one. Oh, and how great was Friends on Thursday? Just to make my life a little better. But that means only two new ones left. I'm going to cry at the last one. I seriously will. So review and make me feel better~ 

Disclaimer: Not mine. Well, just Grace is mine. 

  


It felt strange, knocking on her own door, but Monica reminded herself again that it wasn't her door anymore. It was Chandler's. Chandler lived there. And just Chandler. A second later the door swung open and her thoughts were interrupted.

"Daddy! You missed a great lunch," Gracie said grinning as she threw her arms around Chandler's neck as he picked her up. 

"Is that so?" He asked grinning back at her. Monica stood by quietly. "How was lunch Mon? I gather it was good." She gave a small laugh.

"It was good. They say hello, and to tell you that they miss you." I miss you too, she thought, but shook it out of her head. Her phone began ringing if on cue, and she looked down to see the name flash. James. She had almost forgotten about James. "I have to take this." He nodded and carried Gracie into the kitchen leaving Monica in the front hall by herself. 

"Hello?"

"Hi darling, how's New York?" 

"Oh it's good."

"Is Grace enjoying the time with her father?" Monica peered into the kitchen where Grace and Chandler were giggling as they pulled out ingredients, having decided to make cookies.

"Very much so."

"And how are you? Are you holding up all right?" It was terrible. She was still in love with Chandler, but there was James. A good guy, an-honest-to-God good guy. And while she would never have with James what she had with Chandler, she was still in love with him. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't Chandler. He couldn't be penalized for that, right? 

"I'm fine. How's everything there?"

"Oh it's okay, I miss you two terribly." Monica had to smile.

"We miss you too."

"Okay, Love, I have to run. I'll talk to you later tonight okay?" 

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you more, bye." She hung up the phone and went into the kitchen with Chandler and Grace.

"James?" Chandler asked looking at Monica. She nodded. 

"Aww, I wanted to tell him about New York," Gracie said frowning. This caused Chandler to frown momentarily, but he remembered to be happy for Monica, and to be happy that James was nice to Grace. Maybe too nice, but at least he wasn't cruel to her. Monica Kent. He hated it. The fact that it sounded good together was something he hated even more. 

"You'll talk to him later sweetheart," Monica said giving Grace a kiss on the top of the head. "I guess I should go, leave you two to your cookie making."

"You don't have to," Chandler said quickly, maybe a little too quickly.

"No, it's okay, I have to go meet with some possible investors for dinner, and I want some time to relax."

"Please stay Mommy," Gracie begged. Chandler met Monica's eye and she smiled at her daughter. 

"I guess for a little while," she said shrugging.

"Investors?" Chandler asked as he handed an apron to Monica.

"Yeah, we're thinking about opening a restaurant over here," she said. That had been the initial reason for the trip. That, and of course, for Grace to see Chandler, and as much as Monica hated to admit it, for her to see Chandler too. 

"Really?" He tried to not get excited. If she opened a restaurant in New York, she could base herself out of New York and her and Grace would move back. But then of course, there was James. She would probably want to stay in London to be with James. Just another reason to hate him. 

"Yes, James thinks that it would be the right time to try it," she shrugged. He nodded and concentrated on pouring the chips into a measuring cup for Grace to pour into the bowl. They finished the cookies practically in silence, with only mild outbursts from Gracie. Once the cookies were in the oven, Gracie fell asleep on Chandler's lap as the three of them watched a movie in the living room waiting for them to be done.

"Monica?"

"Hmm?"

"I've been meaning to ask you this for years," he said clearing his throat. "Why'd you leave?"

"You know why I left."

"Actually I don't."

"Chandler, please don't do this."

"I just want to know why." Monica sighed and thought back on what had made her leave. 

_3 years ago_:

Chandler could hear sobbing from behind the closed door. Monica. She was crying again. He looked from their closed door to the closed door of the nursery. She had asked him to close it. She didn't want to see it. He didn't blame her, he hadn't been able to open it since that night they had come home from the hospital and he had collapsed on the floor of the room crying. Phoebe and Joey had offered to come over and clean it out, but Chandler had told them no. He didn't want to touch it. Not just yet. 

He opened the bedroom door a crack and peeked in at Monica. She was curled up in a ball looking simply broken-hearted. God, he hated that she was crying. No one's fault, the doctor had said. Sometimes this kind of stuff happens. There wouldn't be any problems trying to get pregnant again. But Monica wouldn't hear of it. She was pulling away from him, both of them could feel it. There was a gap there, and little by little it was getting larger.

There had been no need to tell their friends, they had been there. Ross and Rachel had gotten Gracie for them, and of course they had told the other two, but Monica had yet to tell her parents. 

"I should do it in person," she said.

"Are you sure?" He wasn't sure if she was strong enough for that. She had barely left the house in the week since it had happened. 

"Yes I'm sure."

Now she wasn't so sure as she stood in front of her parents' house waiting for her mother to answer the door.

"Monica?"

"Mom?" She began to sob again. Fat tears that rolled down her cheeks. 

"Monica, come in, what's the matter? Is it Chandler? Gracie?" Monica shook her head. 

"I lost the baby." Her mother didn't say anything, just opened her arms and allowed Monica to slip in. Monica wept as her mother held her, rocking her back and forth. She led her to the couch and they sat down and talked. They talked about the baby and how Monica didn't know how to deal with it, or what to say to Chandler, and about the fact that when he touched her, she just felt it all over again, the sadness and the pain, and that it wasn't his fault, but she couldn't help it. 

"I just....I see him, and I know that he's trying to be strong, and I wish that he didn't have to be strong. I wish that there had been something that I could have done. I feel like I let him down. I can't stand that I might have let him down, and when he puts his arms around me, I just can't help think, I've done this. I've done this to us. And I just shut down. And I know that he's getting frustrated. How could he not be? But I....." She just broke down in sobs again. Her mother just listened and for the first time didn't say anything rude or demeaning, just words of comfort. 

Monica began going to her parents' house more often, and brought Gracie along to play. And the gap between Monica and Chandler just kept getting bigger and bigger. Chandler began sleeping on the couch, leaving the bedroom to Monica who was still, after months, crying herself to sleep at night. And she wouldn't let him touch her still, and when he had suggested that they could try for a baby again, she nearly bit his head off.

"It's only been months!" She had screamed at him. "You're ready to just try again after months?" 

"It's been nine months, Monica," he said trying to keep his temper in tact. "And I'm not saying now, I'm saying eventually, eventually we could try for another baby." She shook her head and began to sob again. His heart broke, as it always did when she cried.

"So I can lose that one too?" That was it, his heart was officially in a million pieces. For the first time in months, she let him hold her. 

"Honey, it wasn't your fault. You know that. It wasn't your fault." And he had stroked her hair trying to calm her down. 

It wasn't just her fault, Chandler was trying to deal with his grief in his own way, and that meant burying himself in work. He was hardly ever there for dinner anymore, and the final straw was when he missed Gracie's third birthday, coming home the night of her birthday, forgetting that they had been planning her party for forever. 

When he had come home that night, he found Monica placing dishes away. He looked around and saw the streamers and the half eaten cake and the piles of wrapping paper.

"Shit."

"Where were you?"

"I was at dinner with a client," he said. "Shit." She slammed a dish on the table and ignored him. "Mon, I'm so sorry."

"I'm not the one you have to apologize to. It's not my birthday that you missed."

"Where is she?"

"Sleeping." He sighed. 

"I'm an idiot." He loosened his tie and shook his head. "I'm such an idiot." 

"I want a divorce," she said quietly as she placed the last dish in the sink.

"What?"

"Come on Chandler, we can't keep doing this. We aren't talking, we haven't slept in the same room for about three months, you just keep burying yourself deeper and deeper into your work, it's not working. I just think that it would be better if we just separated for awhile."

"That's separation, Monica, not a divorce."

"Fine, then I used the wrong word." 

"And none of this is your fault?"

"I didn't say that."

"You never let me touch you!" 

"Please, Gracie is sleeping. She's had a long day. Don't wake her up." He had packed a bag and moved out that night. He stayed with Joey in the city, and only saw Monica when he picked up Gracie, or she dropped her off. 

The impossible had happened. They had fallen apart, but worse, they had drifted apart. Monica and Chandler. The perfect couple, the ones that belonged together, were on the verge of divorce. 

  


_Present: _

"I should go," Monica said sitting up from where she had been leaning back against the couch. "I have to go to dinner."

"With investors," he nodded. "Running away again." 

"Chandler, you brought it up. I was content to leave the past in the past."

"You didn't finish the story," he pointed out. 

"You know the rest. I get offered the restaurant in London, I took the offer, I took Grace, and we moved."

"Was I that bad? That bad that you had place an entire ocean between us?"

"Between me and the memories, Chandler. Not you. You still don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?"

"I blamed myself...I still do. You working, that was my fault. The baby....that was my fault too. I couldn't....it was guilt that drove me away, not you."

"Guilt? And taking my daughter away from me didn't cause you any guilt?"

"It was the lesser of two evils. The lesser of two guilts."

"Monica. No one blamed you."

"But you should have. It was my fault. I have to go," she stood up, gave Gracie a kiss on the forehead and ran from the house leaving Chandler's head spinning. 

  


_Sometimes, it's all I need_

_someday you won't be so far from me_

_until that day_

_you'll be the girl of my dreams_

~ Okay, please review. I hoped you all liked it, and there will be more explanation of the job and such. The flashbacks are not over yet. Thanks!~ 


	4. Until that day

~Thank you so much for reviewing, if at all possible, could you do it again? I'm so bummed, I start working tomorrow. Ick. I enjoyed these two weeks of not having anything to do, and now it's back to having responsibilities. Yikes. Me and responsibilities don't mix. Okay, so make me feel better and review again. Thanks!~

Disclaimer: Oh, oh, so not mine. __

  


_Two years before:_

Chandler held divorce papers in his hands. Divorce. He never thought that it would come to this. 

"Some couples become stronger after a tragedy," Ross had once said. "And others fall apart." Chandler had always considered them in the first category. He had always thought that the miscarriage was terrible, but they would move on stronger and more in love than ever. Apparently he had been wrong. 

Sinking onto the chair he buried his head in his hands. 

"What's the matter?" Joey asked when he came in.

"Monica sent the divorce papers," Chandler said sitting up. "I just wish...."

"What?"

"I should have tried harder, I should have been there more, I should have insisted that we go see a marriage counselor, some sort of therapist." He sighed leaning his head back against the chair. 

"Chandler, this isn't your fault."

"It wasn't Monica's," Chandler was quick to defend his wife. Soon to be ex-wife. He would take the blame for the marriage collapsing. He wouldn't let her think that anything else was her fault. 

"No," Joey said. "It wasn't anyone's." Chandler sighed running a hand through his hair. "Are you going to let her have the house?"

"I guess so," Chandler said. "I hadn't thought about it." Joey took a deep breath.

"What about Gracie?" It was the question that was on Chandler's mind too. What about Gracie? 

"She can live with Monica, and stay with me on the weekends," Chandler said. He had already decided that in his head. He would not take his daughter away from her mother, even if it meant that he wouldn't get to see her everyday, which would kill him. As much as Gracie was a daddy's girl, she was completely attached to her mother. Monica could barely leave the room before Gracie would start crying for her. He couldn't do that to Gracie, she adored her mother, and he couldn't do that to Monica. It would be the worst thing in the world, being away from Gracie, but it was something that he had to do. 

Monica took a deep breath as she raised her fist to knock on the door to Joey's apartment. Chandler had called her once he got the papers to tell her that the divorce would be easy. Easy. Monica had to laugh at that. Nothing was easy. Nothing about this was easy. And now here she was, about to complicate a little more. She knocked and the door opened a second later and he was standing in front of her.

"Mon? What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk."

"About?" Another deep breath.

"I was offered a restaurant."

"You have a restaurant," he pointed out.

"No. Not to be the chef at....to own." 

"What?" He looked confused.

"My grandmother, a friend of hers wanted to open a restaurant and he didn't have the capital...and she did. So she bought it for him, and then they were supposed to transfer his name on the deed when he got enough money to pay for it. But they never did.....it's thriving, and it's mine." She could hardly contain her excitement, and he could see that. It was the first time that she was excited about anything in awhile. 

"That's amazing Mon! Is it in New York?" He asked.

"That's the part that we have to talk about," she said slowly. "It's in London." London. How ironic. The place that brought them together was going to tear them apart. It was poetic really, Chandler thought. 

"London?"

"Yes."

"As in another country?"

"Yes." He didn't say anything for what felt like an eternity. "Say something please."

"You're taking it."

"Chandler, I wanted to talk to you first."

"Why, we aren't married anymore." He knew just what to say to hurt her, and it worked. The words stung.

"But there's still Grace to consider." Grace. Right. He had given her custody of Grace. His reasons were still valid for letting Monica have her, but she would be all the way across the ocean. So much for every weekend. 

"You're taking Grace," he said sighing. 

"I just....I wanted to know....I guess, if you're okay with it."

"Am I okay? No. I'm not okay. But there's nothing I can do about it is there? I don't want to stand in your way. This is an amazing opportunity for you. Just what you always wanted. Your own restaurant. And I won't take Grace from you, as much as I want her. I'm not that much of a monster." 

"And is that what I am? A monster for taking your daughter away?" He shook his head.

"No." She began to weep. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to take her away from you, but I have to take this opportunity."

"And the fact that it's a thousand miles away from New York doesn't have anything to do with anything?" He asked softly. Honestly, he couldn't blame her. He wanted to run away too. But London. London held just as many memories. But then again, those were good memories. 

"Chandler."

"Okay. When do you leave?" He left it alone. Some things, he figured, just wouldn't be talked about.

"Next month." 

"Okay."

"Chandler.....I didn't.....I never thought that it would be like this."

"I know. Neither did I." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I have to go pick up Gracie." 

"Give her a kiss for me?"

"Of course," she gave him a smile and turned and walked out of the apartment and down the stairs. Chandler closed the door. He had never been much of a crier. But lately that was all he seemed to do, and when she walked out, he sank to the floor and held his head in his hands and sobbed. 

_Present:_

Monica sighed as she closed the door to Ross and Rachel's apartment after getting home from dinner with the investors. They were all for making her wildly successful restaurant a chain. They didn't think twice about lending her the money she would need. James had wisely instructed her to allow other people to invest their money rather than her invest hers. 

"There's no need putting yours and Gracie's future on the line, when someone else can," he had said. James. She should call James. But her head was still spinning from earlier. From when she had talked with Chandler. God, that day that she had gotten on the plane with Grace and flew to London the first time, she had cried practically the entire way there. No guilt? Ha. She had felt more guilty then she ever had before. She had been taking Gracie away from her father. It was terrible, heaping amounts of guilt. 

She walked quietly through the apartment to the bathroom and began to run herself a bubble bath. She giggled as she remembered the way that Chandler had reacted to baths. There was nothing that didn't remind her of him. But she needed to stop thinking about him. Think about James, she instructed herself. Think about James. It didn't work. Chandler still crept back into her memory. She slid into the bathtub and closed her eyes. She hated that all these memories were creeping back. But she wasn't surprised. She had expected it when she had come back. That's why she had avoided coming back whenever she could. Chandler had come to London last time to visit Gracie. He had met James, and they had both tried to be pleasant to one another. 

Of course that didn't work. 

Chandler was meeting the man who was going to marry the love of his life, and James was meeting the man that he could never quite live up to. 

Neither was exactly their charming selves. 

Monica rubbed her temples. Life wasn't supposed to be this complicated. Silently she began to cry, suddenly unable to contain her emotions, then she began to cry harder, her shoulders heaved as she sobbed into her hands. She heard a soft knock on the door.

"Mon?" Rachel called.

"Yeah?" 

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" 

"I'm....I will be okay. I'll be out in a second, can you make some tea?"

"Sure honey," Rachel said. Monica wiped away the remains of her tears and climbed out of the bathtub and wrapped her robe around her slender body. She stopped and looked at herself in the mirror and saw that her eyes were still red from crying. It didn't matter, Rachel knew that she had been crying, there was really no use trying to hide that fact. She splashed some cold water onto her face and opened the door and found Rachel pouring the hot water into the cups. 

"Thanks," Monica said gratefully taking her cup of tea. 

"No problem." They sat down at the kitchen table and Monica let out a sigh. "What's the matter?"

"Oh. Chandler insisted on talking about what had gone wrong between us tonight," she said and then before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face again. She placed her head on the table and heard Rachel's chair scrape against the linoleum as she placed an arm around her and drew her closer. Monica picked up her head and buried it in her best friend's shoulder and just cried. 

"It's okay Mon, it's okay honey," Rachel said stroking Monica's hair. Monica didn't reply, but she was at a loss to figure out how it would be okay. 

_Two years earlier: _

Monica held onto Grace's hand as they made their way through the airport. This was it. They were officially moving to London. There had been some tearful goodbyes at their old house, now Chandler's house, and Monica still wasn't emotionally settled from that. 

Chandler had held onto Grace tightly as the cab pulled up. He held onto her as they loaded their bags into the trunk and finally placed her in the car.

"Later alligator," he whispered in her hair.

"After while crocodile," she replied placing her arms around his neck. She had handed him her stuff monkey, dubbed Mr. Happy Pants, by Joey, and told him to hug it when he needed a hug from her. He wiped the tears from his cheek as Monica came to the car and swept her into a hug.

"Be careful," he whispered.

"I will."

"I love you, still, I don't know if I'm not supposed to say that or what, but I do, I love you. So take care of yourself, and Gracie, take care of Gracie for me."

"Okay," she said tearfully as she reluctantly pulled away from his grasp and climbed in next to Gracie in the back of the cab. 

"Bye Daddy!" Gracie yelled.

"Bye baby," he replied. "Bye Mon."

"Bye Chandler," she said slipping a pair of sunglasses on as the cab slid away from the curb leaving him standing by himself on the front lawn of their house. 

Monica finally let the tears come when they took off, Gracie fast asleep by her side. And she wept nearly the entire flight.

She had convinced herself that she had made a mistake. 

And now two years later, she wondered if she had, indeed made a mistake. 

~Okay, sorry it took so long! Please, please review, that would be super duper awesome. And I hope everyone enjoys the finale. I myself will be weeping, but that's to be expected. Anyway, have a great day! And please review!~ 


	5. More Than Anyone

Okay, so I wept like a small child at the finale. It's so sad that it's over. Okay, misting up again. Can't do that. Here is the next part. The song is by the incredible Gavin DeGraw. Please review! Thanks! 

Disclaimer: Sniff, not mine. 

Monica woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. Forgetting momentarily where she was, she rubbed her eyes and tried to remember. She was in New York. Staying with Ross and Rachel. She reached over and grabbed the phone from the cradle.

"Hello?"

"Mon?" It was Chandler. What was he calling in the middle of the night for? Oh God, her heart stopped. Gracie.

"What's wrong? Where's Gracie?"

"Mon, it's okay, I'm at the hospital, and it's not Gracie, she's fine, I dropped her off at your parents', it's Joey." Joey. Monica's head spun.

"What happened? Is he okay?" 

"There was a car accident, and they think he's going to be okay. Could you wake up Ross and Rachel and tell them too?" 

"Of course, I'll be right there. Which hospital are you at?"

"Beth Israel."

"Okay, I'll be right there." She hung the phone up and threw her legs over the side of the bed. Rummaging through her suitcase, she finally pulled out a wrinkled pair of jeans and a sweater. Normally, she would have to iron the jeans, or else they would drive her crazy, but there was no time. She threw on the clothes and threw her hair back in a ponytail. 

"Rachel? Ross?" She opened the door to their bedroom.

"Mon? What time is it?" Ross asked groping for the clock.

"It's three. Joey was in a car accident. He's at the hospital with Chandler. I'm going to go down there, but I just wanted you to know."

"Is he okay?" Rachel asked wide awake. 

"Chandler said that they think he's going to be fine."

"We're coming," Ross said.

"What about Emma?" Monica pointed out. "Just come tomorrow morning. We'll call you when we know anything." Rachel nodded and Monica shut the door and hurried out of the apartment. It was in the cab that she finally let herself cry. Tears rolled down her cheeks and landed on her jeans leaving small wet spots. She sighed and rested her head back against the seat. Joey. She had felt guilty about the fact that she really hadn't talked to him or Phoebe in quite some time. Rachel called her, and if she talked to Rachel, then she talked to Ross. She supposed it was that Joey was always closer to Chandler, and she didn't want to have to think about Chandler.

It hurt to think about Chandler. 

He was pacing the waiting room when she came running in. Instinctively she went straight to his arms, and he placed his arms around her and held her tightly to him. 

"Is he okay?" She asked. 

"I don't know. I guess so."

"What happened?"

"Drunk driver."

"Oh God."

"I know." He paused, and realized that she was still in his arms. "I'm so glad that you're here." It was quiet for a moment and then she finally replied, ever so softly, 

"So am I." __

_You need a friend_

_I'll be around_

_Don't let this end_

_Before I see you again_

Monica was sitting quietly by Joey's bed when he woke up. He had just broken his arm and had a slight concussion.

"Hey you," she smiled at him when his eyes fluttered open.

"Hey, Mon." He was slightly confused to see of all people Monica sitting by his bedside, but he didn't mention it. 

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Oh. You know, I've been better." A little smile crossed her face and she squeezed his hand. 

"Chandler's here. He just went to get some coffee." Joey nodded.

"If I knew that being in a car accident would get the two of you to spend some time together, I would have thrown myself in front of a bus a long time ago," Joey said. For being the so called idiot of the group, Joey was a lot more sweet and sincere than anyone gave him credit for. 

"Joe," she started to warn. She felt like she was dealing with a five year old who wanted his parents back together. "That....that train left the station a long time ago." He didn't say anything for a moment and then looked her straight in the eye.

"If you can tell me that you feel with this James character what you felt, and still do I think, with Chandler, than I will be happy for you, I promise. But I don't think that you can do that." Monica started to open her mouth to argue that she loved James, but no sound came out. She did love James....right? Sure, he wasn't Chandler, but then again she had long ago come to terms with the fact that no one was Chandler, and no one would possibly be able to live up to him. The door opened a second later and Chandler walked in, saving her from having to answer a question that she didn't know the answer to.

"Hey buddy! How are you feeling?" Chandler said handing Monica a cup of coffee and sitting in the chair next to her.

"Okay," Joey said.

"You gave us quite the scare," Chandler said sighing.

"Sorry," Joey smiled sheepishly. "Then again, I didn't exactly ask for it." Both Monica and Chandler laughed a little at this.

"I guess that's true," Chandler agreed and the three of them began to just make easy, safe conversation. It was Joey who eventually brought up the past, a subject that both Chandler and Monica tried hard at all times to avoid.

"Remember the time that you two went away for a romantic weekend? And came back fighting?" Monica laughed remembering how she had insisted on having the perfect hotel room, and how Chandler had only been interested in the car chase on television. She should have just let it go. The room wasn't important, after all, on other vacations they barely left the bed. 

"That was when you found us out," Chandler said laughing as well. He could see the look on Joey's face when he put two and two together. He could feel his arms around Monica as they kissed in front of Joey, sealing their fate. He could feel the way that his heart beat when he kissed her. Those first few months especially when it was all new and exciting and they were hiding from their friends. 

"That's right," Joey said laughing. "The eyelash curler did it." 

"That damn eyelash curler," Monica replied giggling. "Sold us out." 

And the three sat there, laughing and reminiscing for hours. And not once during those hours did James even cross Monica's mind. 

_What can I say to convince you to change your mind?_

_Don't leave _

_I'm gonna love you more than anyone_

_I'm gonna hold you closer than before_

_And when I kiss your soul, _

_your body will be free_

_I'll be free for you any time_

_I'm gonna love you more than anyone_

"Hello darling, how are you?" Monica felt guilty as she talked to James later that day.

"Okay, my friend Joey was in an accident and I've spent the day here at the hospital."

"Oh, is he okay?" 

"Yeah, he's going to be fine," she said sighing as she leaned her head back against the wall that she was standing against. 

"When is your flight back Tuesday?" He asked. She had forgotten that she would have to go back. She forgot that she lived in London now, and that she was supposed to be going back on Tuesday. Taking Grace back with her, away from Chandler again.

"Um, noon," she said. 

"Oh good. I can't wait to see you two." 

"We can't wait to see you," she said. Was she lying? She missed him, but she missed him like she missed a friend, not like she missed Chandler. Not as if half of her was missing completely. Was that the answer to Joey's question? She didn't love James like she loved Chandler.

It didn't matter though. It was too late. What had happened had happened and her and Chandler were no longer. They were history, and it would do her no good trying to recall those memories. Those feelings. 

But still, could she really marry James? Could she really marry him when she knew that she didn't really love him like she should? Like he deserved? 

Then again, maybe this was just because she was in New York. Maybe once she got back to London, she would settle back down into the life she made over there for her and Grace, and she would realize that she was perfectly happy with James. Yes, it was just New York doing this to her. 

"Well, love, I have to run, I'll talk to you later, give Gracie a big hug and kiss for me, and I'll see you Tuesday. I can't wait. Love you."

"You too," she replied almost automatically. She hit the end button on her phone and went back into the hospital. All of their friends were there now, and her and Chandler were about to leave to pick up Grace from her parents' house. 

"Hey, you ready to go?" Chandler asked when he saw her. She nodded and gave Joey a kiss and told him that she would be back later and went with Chandler out to his car. They drove in silence to her parents' house.

"Mommy!" Gracie shouted when she saw her and ran and jumped in Monica's outstretched arms. "Is Uncle Joey okay?"

"He's just fine, baby," Chandler said as he took Gracie into his arms for a hug. 

"Good. I made him this picture." She held up a drawing of what Monica presumed was supposed to be her and Joey. 

"That's gorgeous darling," Monica said. "Thanks for watching her." 

"Not a problem," her mother assured her. "She's an angel." Monica nodded and gave her mother a tight hug and then one to her father and then turned and followed Chandler and Grace to the car.

They were going to name the baby Jack if it was a boy.

After her father. 

It was times like this that the hard memories hit and she was reminded that it wasn't all just fun and games. 

She had to remember that. 

She had to remember why she had left. 

_look in my eyes_

_what do you see?_

_Not just the color_

_look inside of me_

_Tell me your need_

_and I will try_

_I will try_

Okay, so the next chapter will have the second part of the song in it. It's amazing. Okay, so please review and tell me what you think. Have a great day!

  
  



	6. I'm gonna hold you closer than before

__Thanks so much for the reviews! Here's the next part. I hope that you enjoy it. Oh, and I went to see "Troy" yesterday, and it was good, and I liked it, but someone's phone starting ringing at one point and no one was picking it up, and my friend turned to me and said, "Brad's phone is ringing. Maybe it's Jennifer." And so I started to laugh, and then of course, since it's not a funny movie, everyone turned to stare at me, and then of course I couldn't stop, and I had to actually get up and leave until I had calmed myself down. It was really funny, and I thought I would share, because sharing is good and I'm in a sharing kind of mood. Okay, I'm done. Please review!

Disclaimer: Not mine. Except for Grace Bing. But really, that's it.

__

_I'm gonna love you more than anyone_

_I'm gonna hold you closer than before_

_And when I kiss your soul_

_your body will be free_

_I'll be free for you any time_

_I'm gonna love you more than anyone_

Silently, Monica and Chandler walked up to the front door of Chandler's house. Gracie was rambling on about something, Monica had guiltily stopped listening. Chandler gave her a small smile as they entered the house and Monica was once again bombarded by memories.

"You okay?" Chandler asked when he saw her halt in the front hall.

"Yes. No. I don't know."

"Joey?" He asked closing the door behind them. Gracie went running off to other parts of the house and left her parents alone together.

"Among others." He nodded, he understood.

"Does it hurt to be back here?" It was the first time he had asked her, and she nodded.

"It does."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" She asked, and for the first time, she met his eye.

"For everything."

"Don't be. We already went over that."

"But I never apologized."

"You never had to."

"Mon...I just....I should have understood more, I should have been more understanding, I should have...."

"No," she said interrupting him. "No, I was....I was too caught up in my own world of grief that I didn't notice that you might be hurting too. And that was my fault. It was my fault that we...drifted apart. I didn't know how to let you in anymore. I didn't....." She shuddered trying desperately to hold in a sob. She was failing.

"Let's not talk about it, we've been through enough emotions for one day. Would you like some coffee? Wine?"

"Wine," she said immediately. She needed a drink. "I mean, God, coffee would be okay too....I..." He laughed at her trying to explain herself.

"Wine it is then, Mon. I've been dying for a glass myself."

"Okay," she smiled at him and followed him back through the house. He got out a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass. They sat talking and drinking their wine. They stayed away from hard topics, and mostly just reminisced about the past, before Gracie was born, before it became complicated.

"God, Fun Bobby," Monica laughed. "The only person I really hoped would fall off the wagon."

"Man, he was just so incredibly dull. The whole hardware story? I wanted desperately to poke out my eyes. Of course, I was also jealous," he added.

"Jealous? Of what?"

"Mon," he said laughing a little bit. "I was always jealous of anyone that you dated. You never knew that?" She shook her head slightly.

"No." He smiled at her.

"I had the biggest crush on you. God, pretty much since I moved into the apartment across from you." She returned his smile.

"How about that," she said grinning. "You learn something new every day." Gracie hopped up from where she had been lying on the ground coloring and handed her father a picture.

"That's so that you don't forget us when we go back," she told him seriously. He looked down at the drawing of three people smiling with their arms in the air, which he took to mean that they were waving. Underneath Gracie had carefully labeled the people: Mommy, Daddy, and Gracie.

"Oh honey, it's beautiful," he said pulling her into his lap. "But I could never forget about you."

"Never?" She asked.

"Never."

"What about Mommy?" Grace spoke up. "Could you ever forget about her?" Chandler looked at Monica, who had looked away. Finally she lifted her head and turned to face him, and he smiled at her.

"Never."

__

_Free for you_

_whatever you need_

_We'll be free together, baby_

_Free together baby_

_I'm gonna love you more than anyone_

_I'm gonna hold you closer than before___

Monica had made dinner for them and now the two sat again on the couches in the living room as Gracie put on a show for them, complete with costumes and dance moves. After she was done, Monica went to pick her up and take her to bed, when she remembered that Chandler might want to do that. After all, they were only going to be there a few more days. He might want to spend all the time that he could with his daughter.

"Let's go to bed sweetpea," Chandler announced to Grace. He swung her and threw her over his shoulder as she giggled and then he turned expectantly to Monica. "Coming?" She nodded and stood up and remembered how they used to put Grace to bed. Before she had gotten pregnant for the second time. How the three of them would troop upstairs and Chandler would read a book to Gracie, and Monica would sing a song to her, and then they would both kiss her on either side of her head and Monica would fuss with the blankets and Chandler pulled on her arm and pulled her out of the room.

Somehow, in London, Gracie and Monica's new traditions didn't quite live up.

It felt right, it felt natural, the two of them tucking their daughter in. And Chandler met Monica's eye and knew that she was thinking the exact same thing.

"Goodnight honey," Chandler said kissing the top of Gracie's head.

"Goodnight Daddy," she wrapped her small arms around his neck. Monica leaned and kissed her on the cheek.

"We're right downstairs if you need us," she told Gracie and Gracie nodded and drifted off to sleep. Monica flipped the lights off and her and Chandler found themselves once again alone.

"Could I interest you in another glass of wine?" He asked.

"Sure," she shrugged and followed him back to the living room where he refilled their glasses. After about her fourth glass, she felt a little lightheaded, and before she knew what she was doing, she felt herself lean forward and place her lips squarely on Chandler's. Immediately she pulled away.

"I shouldn't...there's James....and what if Gracie....I can't....we can't...." But she had barely gotten the words out when Chandler leaned in and kissed her back.

"Monica, for once, just don't think, don't think about James, don't think about the many reasons that this," he motioned to the two of them, "is wrong. Because it feels so right. Just......don't think."

And she listened.

And didn't think.

And instead let herself get caught up in the moment, and let herself get caught up in his arms once again. He was right. It felt right. It was so easy to let herself fall back into his arms, it felt so simple, as if they had never been apart. Like she wasn't engaged back in London, as if there had never been a miscarriage, as if their lives had never had a single hiccup. The way that they had envisioned them when they had said I do. Completely and totally problem free. That was not possible, this they both knew, but now, tangled again in each other's arms, it felt possible, it felt real.

And neither made a move to stop.

__

_And when I kiss your soul_

_your body will be free_

_I'll be free for you any time_

_I'm gonna love you more than anyone_

_I'm gonna love you more than anyone _

__

Okay, please review, and tell me what you thought of this chapter. Thanks a billion and a half. Well, I'm off to go help my mother clean the house or something....no, who am I kidding? I'm off to take a nap. Review! __


	7. Don't let this end before I see you agai...

Sorry about the wait, it's been a crazy week. I almost died. No seriously, we were coming down the highway when the latch to hold the hood down on my friend Adam's car broke and it came flying up into the windshield. It was crazy. Luckily we got over to the side of the road without running into anything or anyone, but it was terrifying. But then of course, once we all calmed down we saw that it would make an awesome story. And I've told it to everyone that I've seen since. If you almost die, you should let people know so that they no longer take you for granted right? But anyway, that's my story for the week. That I almost died. So see, you should be glad that you're getting a new chapter at all! Please review! Thanks!

Disclaimer: I tried to own the characters, but alas they were not for sale, and are not mine.

"Should we..." Monica breathlessly asked between kisses. "Should we go upstairs?"

"Do you want to?" Chandler asked. "I mean...it's up to you."

"I think I want to," Monica said biting her lip. A nervous habit that Chandler was quick to note that Grace had picked up on and also did. Chandler kissed her once more and stood up and offered her his hand. Hand in hand, they made their way up the stairs to their old bedroom. Monica avoided looking over at the door to the nursery. Chandler shut the door quietly behind them and smiled at Monica.

"Shall we?" And when she nodded and smiled slightly at him, he closed the gap between the two of them and began kissing her once more.

"Monica?"

"Yes?" She looked up at him.

"I just wanted to say....that I never stopped loving you." That made her stop and she met his eyes and for a moment he was afraid that he had said the wrong thing. He was surprised by her reply. It was so soft that he almost thought that he had made it up.

"Me neither." 

Monica rolled over and smiled when she felt Chandler subconsciously pull her close to him. Then her grin faded. She would have to break up with James. Even if nothing more happened between her and Chandler, she would still have to break up with James. She didn't love him. It was that simple. She sighed and threw her arm over her head. The gesture was enough to wake Chandler up, who was sleeping lightly, like always. She should have remembered that. He was a light sleeper. It took very little to wake him up.

"Mon?" Chandler's eyes fluttered open and met hers. "What are you doing up?"

"I can't sleep," she admitted. "I was just thinking. I can't seem to turn my brain off." Propping himself up on one elbow, he studied her face.

"What are you thinking about?"

"How I have to break up with James," she told him truthfully. He wanted to dance right there, but figured that she wouldn't appreciate it. She was going to break up with James. She would be single. Single and possibly in New York. If she wasn't with James, what was going to hold her in London? She was opening a restaurant in New York. Shouldn't she be there for the new restaurant? Her London one was doing fine. It would continue to do fine without her there. She needed to be here. He needed for her to be here. Not to mention Grace.

He was getting ahead of himself. All she had said was that she was going to break up with James. It might have nothing to do with him. After all, she had just cheated on James. Maybe that was the only thing that was going through her mind.

Somehow though, he doubted it.

"Oh?" He had been trying to find the perfect response to that, and all he had come up with was oh. It wasn't a very good answer of course. In fact, it sucked.

"Well, I don't love him." Now that was a good answer, Chandler decided. He tried not to look too happy about the fact that someone's heart was going to be broken. But he was happy. Because for once, it wasn't his heart.

Poor bastard. Chandler felt for him, he knew where he was coming from. "Well....I do...love him." His smile faltered, and she noticed and quickly corrected her statement. "Just not like I should. Not like he loves me, and not like he deserves. He shouldn't have to settle to be second best. No one should." She closed her eyes, and Chandler saw a tear slip down her face and he pulled her close to him.

"Shush, honey, it's okay."

"I don't want to hurt him Chandler, I don't want to hurt anyone." He just ran a hand over her hair and tried to calm her down.

"Maybe we can talk about this tomorrow morning. We should get some sleep. We have a long day tomorrow." She nodded and bit her lip.

"Chandler...."

"Yeah?"

"We have a lot to talk about. We have a lot to work out. Work through. We have a lot to figure out." He nodded. They did. He knew that this didn't automatically mean that they were back together and life was good again. She was right. They had to work a lot out before they could go back to the way that they once were. And it was very possible that they would never return to where they had once been. Too much had happened. Too much had changed. They had changed. They weren't the same people they had once been. And maybe it wasn't a completely terrible thing. They had grown up. Monica had learned the hard way that life wasn't perfect, and it wasn't fair, and it wasn't going to be special to the two of them simply because they thought that they deserved a break.

"I know. We'll talk. But we'll talk tomorrow. Try to go to sleep okay?"

"I don't know if I can," she said softly.

"Want some warm milk?" He offered.

"Do you remember the time that you went to make warm milk?" She reminded him laughing. "You ended up pulling out a wok."

"Okay, so maybe warm milk isn't my speciality," he admitted grinning. "But I could try."

"No," she replied smiling. "It's okay. I'll just count sheep or something." He gave her a kiss on the forehead and they both closed their eyes, clung to each other, and tried to fall asleep.

Monica woke up to an empty bed the next morning. She opened her eyes and looked around the room in confusion trying to remember where she was. She was in her old bedroom. In New York. In the house that she had shared with Chandler. It all came back to her in that moment, and she yawned and sat up and listened.

"Daddy! You're going to burn the pancakes!" Gracie yelled. Monica smiled to herself. They were making breakfast.

"Is that so Miss Grace?"

"Yes! And no one will eat them if they are burnt. Not even Mommy."

"Not even Mommy?" Chandler's laughter floated up the stairs. It took her a second to realize that she was content. She had a feeling of complete contentedness. It was something that she hadn't felt in a very long time.

Since the divorce.

She climbed out of bed and tied a robe around her body. There was still James. He was still at the back of her mind. He was in London thinking that they were perfectly okay, with no idea that she had slept with Chandler the night before, or that she had woken up in his bed that morning. No idea that she was going to break up with him once she got back.

It was the only thing that was wrong with the morning.

"Good morning," she said stepping into the kitchen.

"Oh! Mommy! You were supposed to stay in bed!" Gracie cried stomping her foot. "We were going to bring you breakfast in bed."

"Is that so?" Monica couldn't contain the wide grin that was now covering her face.

"That's so," Gracie pouted.

"Sorry honey, but we can all eat at the kitchen table together," Monica said coming up behind her daughter and placing a kiss on the top of her head. "And it will be cleaner that way!" Chandler let out a laugh and turned to face Monica.

"Good morning," he said leaning forward and placing a kiss on her lips. She smiled at him.

"Good morning to you too," she said.

"Mommy, when do we have to go?" Gracie asked. Suddenly both were reminded that Monica still had to go. And they still had to sit down and talk.

"Tomorrow honey."

"Awww." Gracie whined and stamped her foot.

"I don't want to!" Monica sighed. She had a feeling that they would be back before long, but she didn't want to tell Grace that and have her get her hopes up when it was still possible that nothing more would happen between her parents.

"Grace, please," Monica said.

"Let's just eat breakfast," Chandler suggested trying to diffuse the situation. Grace helped carry over the dishes and soon they were all sitting around the table. Like a family. Monica felt her head spinning.

Gracie chattered away through all of breakfast. Monica was so thankful for her daughter's big mouth at that point. It meant that she didn't have to make small talk.

"Honey, why don't you go play in your room?" Chandler suggested. "While Mommy and I clean up?"

"Okay," Gracie agreed easily and they heard her running up the stairs.

"We need to talk," Monica said.

"Yeah, we do," Chandler nodded. "So...."

"Oh? I'm supposed to start?" She asked wide-eyed.

"Well, I could I guess."

"Good, you start then," Monica delegated. Chandler took a deep breath.

"I love you. I want you to move here again. I want to make this work again. We can get a new house, we don't have to live here if it causes too many bad memories, we can do whatever you want. I mean, I'd even be willing to move to London...." He realized that he was babbling. "The point is that I don't want to lose you again. Either of you. I want to wake up every morning with you next to me, and go to sleep every night with you by my side." He looked at her hopefully.

"It won't be easy," she said.

"I know."

"I mean, I have to break up with James, and we'd have to move, and that won't be easy." 

"I know."

"And there are still so many things that we need to work out. Work through. We'd need to communicate better."

"I know."

"And the house....I don't think I could live here again Chandler. It holds good memories, but somehow the bad ones outweigh those."

"I know."

"I want to make us work too. I'm just scared," she admitted. "I couldn't stand losing you again." He moved to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"So what does that mean?"

"It means that I want what you said. I want us to be together again. I want us to try to work things out. For Gracie, and for us. Because I love you. I've never stopped loving you."

And with that, he placed one more kiss on her lips.

They would be okay.

They would make it work this time.

He would do anything to make sure that he didn't lose her again.

I think that there will be at least another chapter, but only if you review! So hop to it!


	8. I'm going to love you more than anyone

Hey! Sorry this took so long. I was thinking of adding one more chapter after this, but if you think that it's a fitting ending, let me know. Please review either way! Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Aw, that sucks.

Gripping Gracie's hand, Monica stepped off of the plane in Heathrow Airport and started towards where James was standing waving uncertainly. She had called and said that they needed to talk. She was fairly sure that he was fairly sure about what exactly they were going to talk about.

"James!" Gracie ran towards him and jumped into his arms and he hugged her tightly. He gave Monica a smile and a kiss on the cheek and led them towards his car.

"How was New York?" He asked Gracie but stole a look at Monica.

"It was great!" Gracie said enthusiastically.

"It was.....necessary," was all that Monica said and she looked away from where he was trying to meet her eye and focused on the road.

"Oh." He nodded. They slid quietly through the streets of London until they reached their townhouse and the two grabbed their bags and carried them upstairs. Grace was chattering away to James all about the wonders of New York. Finally, Gracie ran upstairs to say hello to all of her stuffed animals leaving Monica some alone time with James. She didn't know how to start, but she knew that it had to be done as soon as possible. But she didn't expect the first thing to come out of James's mouth to be,

"So you're going back to New York." She looked at him opened mouth.

"What? How did...."

"How did I know? Monica you said that you needed to talk, you have barely looked me in the eye since I picked you up at the airport, and besides that I knew it was coming. Before the trip, I started to realize that while I loved you, you didn't feel the same way about me back. You said that New York was necessary. Well, you were right. You needed to go and I needed to stay and now we need to say goodbye." She was stunned.

"Oh God James," she said finally. "I didn't deserve you." A sad smile covered his face.

"I suppose not, although I should have known it couldn't last. You're far too pretty for me." She grinned at him and threw her arms around his neck.

"You will find someone spectacular. Because that's what you deserve. You are amazing." He gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"So I guess he wins right?"

"What?"

"Chandler. He gets you back."

"This has nothing to do with Chandler," she assured him. It was a half truth. She would have broken up with James anyway, Chandler just sped up the process a little bit.

"Yes it does, it has everything to do with Chandler. It's always been Chandler." He gave her a smile. "It's okay. You never got over him, and I don't think you were supposed to. Go back to New York. Go back to Chandler. Just....let me know how Gracie is doing okay?" She smiled at him and wiped her tears away and nodded. It's always been Chandler. That was true. As much as she had tried to deny that, there was no denying it. It was always Chandler. It would always be Chandler. And it was time to go home and try to make it work again.

"I will. I promise."

"Good." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I guess I'll start packing my stuff up." She shook her head.

"No, you keep the house. We're going back to New York."

"But you'll need somewhere to stay when you come back to London." 

"I'll get a small apartment," she gave him a look to tell him that there was no arguing with her on this one. He finally relented and looked around the townhouse.

"I guess then we'll start helping you pack. Have you told Gracie yet?"

"No." She paused. "I'm a little afraid to. She has friends here, and her school is here....I don't know how she'll react."

"She'll be thrilled," he assured Monica. "Go tell her." Monica nodded, leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"You are going to make someone so very happy," she whispered.

"Just not you." He smiled a broken smile at her and she mirrored it shaking her head.

"Just not me."

Grace was unpacking her things when Monica appeared in the doorway to her room.

"Hey honey, can we talk for a minute?" Monica asked coming and sitting down on the rocking chair. The rocking chair that had been a present from Chandler when Monica found out she was pregnant with Grace. Everything reminded her of Chandler, even in London. How could she have been so silly to think that she would get over him?

"Sure Mommy," Gracie climbed onto Monica's lap and Monica ran a hand over her dark hair.

"Well, while we were in New York, Daddy and I talked and we decided that we were going to move back to New York to live with him again, would that be okay?" Gracie's eyes turned to her mother excitedly.

"Really? We could live in New York? And see Daddy every day?" Monica couldn't help but smile at Grace's enthusiastic reaction to the news.

"Yes honey. How would that be?"

"That would be wonderful Mommy!" Gracie's smile vanished for a second and she frowned.

"What's the matter sweetheart?"

"What about James Mommy?"

"Oh honey, James is going to stay here. But when we come to London, which we will still do to check on my restaurant here, we can visit him." Grace nodded and then looked deep in thought.

"Are you going to still get married to James?" Monica shook her head and Grace nodded again. "Are you going to marry Daddy again?"

"I don't know princess," Monica told her.

"Okay. But Mommy," Gracie slipped off of Monica's lap. "I think you should think about it. He's a good guy that Daddy." Monica threw her head back and laughed and pulled Grace on her lap once more to give her a hug.

"Yes he is."

Once again Monica held Gracie's hand tightly in the airport and searched around. She was home. Home sweet home. The person waiting for them at the gate was different this time. This time it was Chandler. Grinning and waving at them like an idiot.

He had bought a new house and in the three weeks since they had last seen each other, he had moved all of their old things and the things that Monica had shipped over from London into the new house. It was just as big and lovely as the old one, but without so many of the haunting memories. It was a fresh start. They would start all over again. And it would work this time.

Grace broke free of her mother and ran into her father's arms. He spun her around and they hugged until Monica breathlessly caught up. Chandler placed Grace on the ground and wrapped his arms around Monica and hugged her close to him, and then leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"Ew," Grace commented shielding her eyes. Monica laughed and broke away from Chandler. Chandler covered Gracie's eyes with his hand and gave Monica one more kiss as Gracie giggled. He took Monica's hand in his as he scooped Grace up in his arms.

"Let's go home," he said smiling.

"Home," Monica repeated. "Let's go home."

Okay, please review and tell me if you want another chapter, or if you liked it how it ended right there. Thanks!


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